The Toph Has Spoken
by Flutie2891
Summary: I don't think he's that good-looking." "Katara, please- I'm blind, and I know he's that good-looking." Toph's take on Zutara.


**Title**: The Toph Has Spoken  
**Fandom**/**Characters**: Avatar The Last Airbender- The Gaang (Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Zuko) with appearances from Iroh.  
**Rating**: PG for some suggestiveness (Toph is a bit of a perv, after all)  
**Summary**: "I don't think he's that good-looking." "Katara, please- I'm blind, and I know he's that good-looking." Toph's take on Zutara.  
**WC**: 900~  
**A/N**: So, a long time ago (read: three years), I was reading someone's Zutara 1sentence set, and got inspired. I scribbled down some awesome Toph-snark for about twenty of the prompts, posted it on the katara_zuko lj community, and never looked at it again until today. They're pretty funny, so I figured I would share them here, too. =) Bolded prompts are from the 1_sentence livejournal community. Also, this was written halfway through season two, I think, so... it's AU, I guess.

**# 30: Peace**

"Shh, do you hear that?"

"...There's no noise, Aang."

"Exactly! This is the first time in weeks that Zuko hasn't been arguing with someone."

"Well, yeah, it's kind of hard to yell with your tongue's down someone's throat."

"...I almost wish you were talking about Sokka..."

"Wow, you _do _have it bad."

"I know."

"Oh, don't worry, Twinkle Toes, Zuko says she's not that great a kisser anyway."

"...You're so helpful, Toph."

"Anything to make you smile, sweet cheeks."

**# 31: Poison**

"Katara, I told you not to drink anything he gave you. He could be trying to poison you!"

"Zuko would never do that to me!"

"Yeah, Sokka. I mean, think about it- he's just going to end up swapping spit with her tonight anyway, so it'd be like poisoning himself. He's not _that _stupid."

**# 32: Pretty**

"I don't think he's that good-looking."

"Katara, please- I'm _blind_, and I know he's that good-looking."

**#33: Rain**

"I don't know why Prince Scarface likes the rain so much."

"Of course he likes it; it's the only way he gets to see your sister dripping wet without pushing her into a pond."

**#34: Regret**

"I wish I hadn't turned against her."

"I wish you'd stop whining to _me _and start apologizing to _her_."

**#35: Roses**

"Now I'm sure I saw a rose bush around here some-TOPH!"

"Yeah, yeah, you didn't hear me following you, blah, blah, blah. But just so you know, Hothead, your girlfriend hates roses as much as Sokka hates you."

"...I'll find her some azaleas instead."

"Smart move, lover boy. Third bush on the left."

**#36: Secret**

"I swear, Toph, if you tell anyone what just happened here-"

"What? You'll 'accidentally' trip over the firewood, fall on top of me, and try to suffocate me with your tongue? Don't worry, Sugar Queen, my lips are sealed."

**#37: Snakes**

"Sorry, Zuko, I didn't know that was a snake on your head."

"What did you think, that Katara had been braiding his hair again?"

"...What do you mean 'again'?"

**#38: Snow**

"Did Zuko just kiss Katara?!"

"No, Sokka, she just had some snow on her face an he decided to get it off with his mouth instead of his hands."

**#39: Solid**

"A loving relationship is like a mountain- immense, enduring, and as solid as the earth itself."

"Unless you're those two- then it's more like a really weak anthill built next to a bunch of really destructive kids."

**#40: Spring**

"Ah, spring. Longer days, warmer weather-"

"And more leafy bushes for Katara and Zuko to hide in."

**#41: Stable**

"It was nice of that old man to let us sleep in his barn, don't you think, Toph?"

"I think if those two don't keep it down, they'll spook the ostrich horses and sleep will be the least of our worries."

**#42: Strange**

"Um, Toph, we can explain. You see, I-"

"Save it, Katara. I'm perfectly okay with the fact that you two are hopeless freaks. But someday, when you two have kids, be sure to lock the door when you do... this, okay?"

**#43: Summer**

"It's the hottest day of the year- why is Katara wearing her parka?"

"Because those red marks on her neck aren't heat rashes, Twinkle Toes; they're reasons for her brother to burn the rest of Zuko's face off."

**#44: Taboo**

"You knew they were together all along and you didn't tell us?! Why?"

"Catching those two playing tonsil hockey in the bushes isn't exactly an experience I like to talk about. Sorry."

**#45: Ugly**

"Oh, please, Zuko, what kind of girl could ever think you were handsome?"

"Your _sister_, for one."

"Ooh, two points for Angry Boy! He's been paying attention."

"Go away, Toph!"

"See, just for that, _minus ten_, Sokka."

**#46: War**

"What are those two fighting over now?"

"Apparently, Katara caught Zuko talking in his sleep about some girl- Jin or something."

"Oh. ...Should I go get some ice for that black eye of his?"

"Don't worry; I think she's about to take care of that herself."

**#47: Water**

"We're back with the water, Toph! Sorry it took so long; we had a hard time finding the stream."

"Uh-huh. Remind me to have Iroh boil that before we drink it."

**#48: Welcome**

"It was so nice of Miss Katara to welcome us into the group so warmly, especially after all we have done to harm her."

"Actually, Iroh, I'd feel pretty cheated if I were you. I mean, Zuko's getting the kind of action that most guys only dream about, and all you get is what? Three meals a day and some tea."

"My nephew has his passions, and I have mine."

**#49: Winter**

"Well, Zuko, it's going to be really cold tonight, and- well, it'd be awful for both of us to have to be cold, so... perhaps there's some way that we could maybe-"

"God, Katara, stop babbling and ask him to sleep with you so we can all get some rest!"

"WHAT?!"

"Gee, _thanks_, Toph. Now they'll never go to sleep."

"If they don't shut up, I'm gonna hit them so hard that waking up will be the problem."

**#50: Wood**

"Wow, Zuko and Katara are sure taking a long time getting that firewood."

"Don't worry, Sokka, I'm sure your sister's just taking her time getting as much _wood _as she can."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"...I don't get it."

"Sokka, talk to your boy."


End file.
